Mark Davies Transformations | Blog | Change is as easy as panic

My niece recently pointed out that it wasn’t my job that was corroding my soul.

It was me. I was hiding from my true calling. Denying it, even.

In June of 2019 my mom passed into Spirit. Until then I had been a prime source of financial and emotional support. I took a well-paying job in the Middle East in order to provide said financial support.

And I told myself that I needed to have that job because I needed to provide that support. Working Contracts, I felt, was corroding my soul so I even resented my mom, just a little, because of the obligation I felt.

At the same time I felt guilty for resenting her because that same job brought me freedoms I had hitherto not known.

After she passed I was confronted by a certain sense of liberty, alongside the obvious grief that goes with losing someone so close. That sense of liberty was a point on a continuum of transformation. A notable point because that’s when I can say, was the first time I consciously felt, no… consciously knew, that I needed to change my life.

My niece recently pointed out that it wasn’t my job that was corroding my soul. It was me. I was hiding from my true calling. Denying it, even.

Does that sound familiar?

I was lying to myself and my sweet mother was my scapegoat.

See, I’ve always wanted to help people. I’ve always wanted to write. I’ve written six fantasy fiction books so far, and some people who have read them said my books changed their life.

One lady even said that she felt that before she could accept any new friend into her life, that person would need to read my books first.

Yes, I attended my day-job diligently, but at night I wrote fervently.

But that wasn’t enough. I needed the freedom, the time, to write more, to help more. And writing wasn’t the only thing I wanted to do. I wanted also to work as a hypnotherapist.

Writing fantasy fiction and hypnotherapy may be distinct “professions” but there’s no reason they can’t co-exist, or even complement each other.

So in March 2021 my beloved and I arrived home in South Africa. We had plans to set up our own business profiles. We thought we could do it in three months.

Man plans. God laughs.

Before we could start our respective profiles we needed space. We wanted to work from home. So we had to sell our house and buy a new one. The new one needed renovations.

Then my beloved’s mom took ill. These last five sentences spanned the rest of 2021. Between the spaces there was upheaval and turmoil and grief, gain and loss and disappointment, smiles and laughter, tears and gut wrenching pain.

At the end of 2021 we went away to our favourite resort, Suneden. It’s a place of healing and reflection for us; a totally different planet in many respects.

Whilst we were at Suneden I experienced moments of overwhelming sadness – a kind of deep, heart-wrenching grief.

I’m not sure if it’s the anxiety of being self-employed, or some residual emotion from, say, my Marmie’s passing in 2019. Sometimes I think I can feel her presence, other times I feel I just need to wrestle with my insecurities.

Man plans. God laughs.

As a Hypnotherapist I’ve worked through some of my blocks and I’ve toned down the panic.

There’s a scene in the movie “Wanted,” starring James McAvoy wherein the character Wesley is tied to a chair. He is asked “Why are you here?” For every “wrong” answer he gives he is beaten until, finally, he cries out, “I don’t know who I am!!!” Then his training to become an assassin truly begins.

With deeper insight, I think I felt a little like Wesley, tied to that chair, with the Universe hammering at me, for every “wrong” answer. Indeed, I felt wounded to the point of sobbing at the sky, asking why? But that would be petulance. And that would, probably be, yet another “wrong” answer.

During my certification as a Hypnotherapist I went through the process that I utilize with clients and therein discovered things I thought I had worked through, but hadn’t really. These were the subconscious mental blocks that held me back.

So I’m starting to forgive myself. At the heart of 2022 will be my own transformation, humbled as I am by the events above. In my darkness, it’s daunting. In my light its exciting.

Hypnotherapy has helped me see some of my shortcomings. As a Hypnotherapist I’ve worked through some of my blocks and I’ve toned down the panic. But it’s a process, isn’t it?

There’s a voice in the back of my head that urges me to get a job. It’s a fearful voice, the voice of my insecurities, the one who needs to feel safe and coddled, but then I recall the corrosion placed on my soul by not being me; the lack of a sense of liberty because I wasn’t following my calling. The voice argues that you can’t eat liberty, but I can’t bring myself to sell my soul again. Besides that, I’d have to put shoes on again. Good Lord!

And its okay to be vulnerable. Its okay to ask for help. I often tell people “You are not alone,” when counselling them. It seems I need to accept my own counsel too.

I want to embrace my true calling. I want to know who I am.

And I want to help others to do the same.

If you’re on the same path as me, Hypnotherapy can help. I know it can because I’ve done it. I can help you get out of that chair and follow your true calling. You are not alone.

So here’s to a magnificent 2022 and the materialization and realization of dreams that have become goals. Here’s to holding the focus and staying true to ourselves, true to the compass we have fixed to our bow.

If any of this has resonated with you, and if you’re yearning to make a change, book a discovery call with me. It’s only about 20 minutes and its free. Maybe 20 minutes could change the next 20 years. Maybe you don’t have to panic to change your life.

In the words of the great Mr. Spock, may we live long and prosper.

In the words of the great Mr. Spock, may we live long and prosper.

Changing your life is as easy as panic

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