Humility? Are you doing it wrong?

What if humility is not about self-disregard, unworthiness and being in service to others? What if it’s more about being in service to you (first)?

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But many definitions describe humility as low self-regard and a sense of unworthiness.

And that’s where humility loses its virtue.

Most of us were taught to be humble.

It was commanded from the pulpit on Sunday and demanded from the Headmaster / mistress on Monday (through Friday). Parents pounded it in. Godparents sounded it out.

And why not? I mean… Humility is one of the seven capital virtues. It’s in the bible, and I’m pretty sure it’s in most, if not all religious codices.

If you search for an image of humility on the internet, you’re going to find pictures of people on their knees; or with bowed heads, depicting deference to a higher power, which is admirable.

But many definitions describe humility as low self-regard and a sense of unworthiness.
And that’s where humility loses its virtue.

I asked a good friend what humility meant to him and he said, “service to others,” and I think that sounds virtuous.

I asked another friend about what it meant to her and she said, “putting yourself second and others first,” and I think that sounds virtuous too.

But it only sounds virtuous because we’ve been taught that humility is virtuous and humility is the opposite of pride or arrogance but… somehow we’ve lost sight of what true humility is.

You see, what happens, my friends, when you’re in service to others, or when you’re putting yourself second… or last for that matter, is that you neglect to set boundaries. You put others before yourself and see to their needs, their comfort, their safety, their joy.

And then you find you are depleted. You are tired and worn out and empty and unhappy. You resent them for taking even more from you when you have nothing left to give and then you feel guilty for resenting them.

If humility breeds resentment and depletion and unhappiness, is it truly virtuous?

Traditional humility would see you drained like a grape. Grapes make wine; but that just means your essence is sucked out by something or someone and then discarded.

Doesn’t sound like fun, does it?

Imagine you have a bucket of water from which you may quench the thirst of others and you give and you give until that bucket is empty and then you have no water for yourself. Now how could you be in service to others if you died of thirst?

If humility breeds resentment and depletion and unhappiness, is it truly virtuous? 

Humility is knowing your place in the Universe.

I say the definition of humility needs to be revisited.

I don’t believe that humility means putting yourself down in the service of others. It’s not a sense of self-disregard.

I have another take on humility because you don’t have to be drained of your essence to serve another purpose when you already have a purpose.

You were born with it. It’s in your heart. It’s written on your soul.

I don’t know what your purpose is. You might not even know what it is. But its in you.

Humility is knowing your place in the Universe.

If you lost your phone you can track it with GPS and you’d find it at no other place.
If I visit a friend, I go to their address, and no other place.

Humility is knowing that no other person in the world occupies the same place and time as you.
It’s knowing that your “coordinates” are unique in time and space and so are everybody else’s. And at those coordinates you are the only expert on you.

Humility is knowing that you know what you know and that others know what they know. Some people know more about a certain topic than you; some know less and from that view, everybody’s the same.
That’s not pride. That’s not arrogance.

That’s knowing who you are; knowing who you were yesterday in relation to today.

Humility is knowing that you are on a point on a continuum of personal evolution; and knowing that you can give of your strength to those who need it; and that others can give to you of theirs.

Humility is going to the well-spring and first filling your bucket so that you can give to others from the overflow. Part of your purpose is finding that well-spring.

You may think there are some more advanced than you and there are some less advanced. That may be true. But its only your place in the Universe that you should measure yourself against. Its only your point on your continuum that you should pay attention to.

Why should you compare your inside to somebody else’s outside? They’re not you.

So don’t you think its time to be a little kinder to yourself instead of thinking low self-regard and depletion of your resources is a virtue?

Maybe its time you built yourself up, nourished your soul before charging into the world.

Maybe it’s time to find your well-spring.

Maybe it’s time to fill that bucket.

If you’re on a point on a continuum of evolution, but you’re stuck; you know Where you’d like to be but don’t know How to get there, I can help. Or maybe you don’t even know what your purpose is. I can help.

I spent 22 years in an industry that drained my essence.

Don’t make that same mistake. Book an appointment. 

Maybe its time you built yourself up, nourished your soul before charging into the world. 

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If you’re at a point where you can’t set boundaries; or if you’re stuck wondering where your wellspring of joy might be found;
or you’re battling to get going – professionally, romantically, personally – because you believe something (like being “humble”), that’s not true, I can help.

Disclaimer

TIR may offer benefits for many emotional, psychological, and spiritual concerns. It is NOT a substitute for medical diagnosis, drug therapy, surgery, radiation, or other conventional medical interventions or mental health assistance.

Proper medical exams and diagnostic evaluations by your physician or other mental health professionals are an important aspect for wellbeing. TIR is strictly limited to addressing the emotional charge of Traumatic Incidents. If in doubt, please consult your medical professional.