10 Principle Characteristics of Successful Relationships
(that may surprise you)
The heart yearns for fulfilment. Here are 10 principles to help you find it, wherever your relationship finds itself on the beautiful rainbow of love.
(that may surprise you)
The heart yearns for fulfilment. Here are 10 principles to help you find it, wherever your relationship finds itself on the beautiful rainbow of love.
When you search the internet for the characteristics of a successful romantic relationship you’ll find many lists of virtuous qualities (Like this one: https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-25433/15-essential-qualities-of-relationships-that-last.html); qualities that make sense, like mutual respect and empathy, honesty, communication; and being thoughtful, forgiving and gentle with each other.
Those qualities are necessary, yes, by far…
But what of the qualities by near?
What if those admirable qualities were only signs of something deeper; like the sweet aroma of jasmine wafting on a summer’s eve.
It’s easy to appreciate that heady, intoxicating scent, so much so that we miss the flower producing it. We look at the flower briefly, perhaps, appreciate its splendor in full bloom, but we spare little thought for that tiny star, itself.
We can observe in other relationships their mutual respect and empathy; their honesty, trust and commitment but that is easy to see, is it not?
And because we see it in others it is easy to covet when we do not see it in ourselves, but what we might covet in others is what we must find in ourselves.
And that is not so easy to see.
If I asked you to point to what you consider to be a successful relationship, what would you say? How would you define it? Would you glibly list admirable qualities; or could you divulge what your heart truly yearns for?
What does a heart, your heart, truly yearn for?
Is it a sense of purpose, or satisfaction; is it maybe that it yearns to be nurtured and excited all at once? Surely it is all of these. Surely, in a word, the heart’s yearning is for fulfilment.
I don’t think there’s a comprehensive one-size-fits-all recipe or list of qualities for a relationship that leads to fulfilment. I think your fulfilment is truly up to you.
But I do believe there are certain fundamental principles that make a relationship sustainable; and those fundamentals are the flower that produces the sweet aroma.
Here’s 10 of those fundamental principles.
If I asked you to point to what you consider to be a successful relationship, what would you say?
You need to feel safe; that your partner or partners have your back.
#1 Safety.
The most important principle for a sustainable relationship is Safety.
You need to feel safe; that your partner or partners have your back.
You don’t want to come home from your high-pressure job to engage in sarcasm. Healthy banter is good. Cutting remarks disguised as banter is not.
You don’t want to feel like you’re walking on eggshells; or being shamed for colouring your hair blue. You want to know that from the safety of your relationship you can conquer your mountain.
So you see, safety is the flower that produces the aroma of mutual acceptance, empathy and respect.
#2 Your Relationship is Your First Born.
Whether you have children or not, your relationship is your first-born.
What that means is that the needs of the relationship will grow, mature, and develop, based on the love that started it and nurtured it. Too many relationships fail when real children come along and that’s because the partners have neglected their first born.
Yes, there will be snotty noses but rather snot than blood.
#3 Your Relationship is an Investment.
Your relationship is a mutual investment first and a commitment second.
In some ways it needs to be managed like a business. Sounds a bit cold, I know, but the point is that you want your relationship to pay dividends.
You are partners, investors, share-holders and stake-holders. You want to receive more than what you put in; and if you and your partner invest correctly, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.
Its true that your relationship is all about you but that’s because you give to them. If you’ve already done the washing and the dishes and taken out the trash then there shouldn’t be any problems with a Star Wars marathon.
#4 A Common Spiritual Quest.
Just as you need common ground, you need to share a common spiritual quest. I don’t mean a religious one, though that’s okay, if your quest lies on such a path.
The essence of this is that you grow in spirit, together.
You evolve, in spirit, together; and from this principle come many of the ways in which you will invest in and nurture your relationship.
Holding hands while popping clouds under a full moon can be just as spiritual as walking the Camino or midnight mass.
You want to receive more than what you put in; and if you and your partner invest correctly, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.
Accept that you can never be equals, but that you can be complements and as complements to each other you can be whole.
#5 Truly See and Hear each other.
Truly see each other.
Truly hear each other.
Do not assume you know exactly what they just said. Do not jump to a conclusion that stems from your own insecurity.
If you know they love you then nothing they say was ever meant to hurt you. Assume good intention before you take offence. From this principle comes openness, honesty, clear communication and managing expectations.
Learn their love language. Learn where their buttons are and then… don’t push them.
#6 Talk to the God or Goddess in them.
When you talk to the god or goddess in your partner, the god or goddess will answer. When you cherish them they will cherish you.
And to treat them as a god or goddess is to respect their sovereignty as individuals and in so doing they walk alongside you, never behind or in front; two divine warriors walking each other home.
Yes, that means staying out of their handbag unless you have permission, and the courage, to venture there.
Accept that you can never be equals, but that you can be complements and as complements to each other you can be whole.
The weakness in me is loved by the strength in you. When they place their vulnerability, their fragility, into your hands or care, it is a sacred trust; a covenant to be honoured not a target to be struck.
And when you lay them down in a bed of roses to make sweet passionate love, make sure you’ve removed all the thorns first.
#7 Understand the T’s & C’s.
All of these principles form part of the terms and conditions of your relationship.
You need to be clear at the outset, what those T&C’s are; how they will evolve, or not; and if or when they do, all parties must be ready and willing for it.
For some, their wedding vows form their T&C’s or at least part of them, and I suppose for some, wedding vows are meant to encompass all of these principles, but people are people and people change and people’s values change.
Your T&C’s need to take this into account.
By the way, a formal relationship agreement a-la Sheldon Cooper might be… a little over the top.
#8 Accelerate Each Other.
You and your partner must accelerate each other.
You must be better with them than you can be on your own, but to do that, you must first know thyself; and you must love yourself and you must like yourself.
Because there are some things that your partner cannot give you.
You need to be clear at the outset, what those T&C’s are; how they will evolve, or not; and if or when they do, all parties must be ready and willing for it.
The rest is up to you...
#9 Be there. Be Kind.
Be there for them. Be kind to them. I don’t think I need to expand any further on that.
#10 The rest is up to you.
The rest is up to you, for you too, are a sovereign divine creation.
I’m not an expert in relationships, for to make such a claim is to say I’ve been in all different relationships, which would be exhausting, but I’ve learned a thing or two.
And I’d like to believe that these thoughts apply to you and yours, wherever your relationship finds itself on the beautiful rainbow of love.
My name is Mark Davies. I’m an Author, Hypnotherapist and Life Coach. I work with individuals, couples and thruples, helping people find deeper harmony in their relationships.
Most of all, I love to work with people who want to evolve and transform; to form deeper connections and break through the blocks that are holding them back.
I believe in practical solutions and rapid results.
If this piece reached you in a good way, please share it far and wide.
And if you feel your relationship needs deeper harmony, get in touch or book an appointment. I have coaching packages available just for you.
